I was raised in a home where my mother practiced all the best social graces. She believed in hand written notes, sincere apologies, no white after Labor Day, a well set table, ironed and starched shirts and collars, and above all respect for everyone. Now the title of my post may hit some people wrong, and if it does please excuse me, but if you can indulge me a few moments I will share with you my recent encounter in the dating world.

As I alluded to earlier I was raised in a conservative home. No we were not rich, and often struggled to make ends meet, but I was always taught to hold my head high and act like I was among the elite of our small town. As part of my upbringing I learned that two things went together and that was being a Baptist and a Republican, which our family have always staunchly been.

I had an aunt who married a Democrat, that nearly split the family in two. But no one in our family had ever dared to marry or even court a Methodist and a Democrat to boot! I would be the one to receive that dubious honor.

I am a man with a high stress job, I work many long hours and have devoted myself to a great career, but had neglected my social life while building my business. As a recent birthday approached I felt the call to try to rectify these matters, and to lean in to the more base pleasures of life that I had denied myself for a few years. Being someone who doesn’t frequent bars and clubs often I took a friend’s suggestion and joined an online dating site. After answering 1000 idiotic questions such as “Is having sex while skydiving your idea of adventure?”, and posting some of my better “selfies”, I was on my way. Soon I had connected with Althea from Conyers, GA a 39 year old dog groomer, Mary Alice, 27 from Chattanooga an accomplished mystery shopper, and Lisa from Roanoke who enjoys taking all her pets (including a goat) hiking with her at least three times a week in the Blue Ridge. Well let me tell you boys, them girls didn’t impress me at all.

Then came an icebreaker from Stephanie. Now for those of you who are not yet initiated in the world of online dating an icebreaker is the equivalent of a mild flirty action, like a smile, or a simple hello. Stephanie sent me an electronic smile, then we began to ask each other some questions and finally moved to email for a few weeks before meeting in person for lunch.

As soon as I saw Stephanie I was attracted to her, she was more beautiful in person than her photo led me to believe. I watched through the window of the restaurant as she got out of her car and came in. My first thought was that she was out of my league, but we were soon laughing and making conversation like long lost friends. We dated like crazy and had a great time, movies, long walks, the best restaurants, long drives, rainy nights cuddled on the sofa, magnificent kisses and divine touches, I was in a dream.

We talked for long hours into the night and soon I discovered that this beautiful lady who had charmed me like a vixen was a Democrat. She believed in all the tenets of liberalism that my family had stood firmly against for generations. I took her home to meet the folks, and she didn’t wear any stockings on her feet and wore flip flops, her purse was a backpack, my mother was in shock and awe. She couldn’t believe I would date anyone who wasn’t a candidate for the Junior League or at least the Fire Department Ladies Auxiliary! Soon the subject of church arose and it was learned that the object of my affections was a Methodist!! Unbelievable!!

Well I was having no part of the whispers I heard of breaking up and unsuitable match. I was enthralled with Stephanie and decided that I would make the first step and go with her to church. The day came and I drove up to the Methodist church. I entered and immediately noticed the formality of the place, in contrast with our humble Baptist sanctuary. The services began and were quiet and subdued, the choir was well trained and sang in perfect harmony but I could not understand a word they said, I think the song was in Latin! Soon it was time for the communion service, where everyone would go to the front and receive a piece of bread representing the body of Christ and then dip it into the wine that represents the blood of Christ shed on Calvary to save our souls from sin. Well I followed Stephanie to the front and I nervously watched everyone else. At my home church we use grape juice and oyster crackers for communion and they are passed around to everyone in their seats on gold plated trays, this new form of communion was different indeed. Oh no I thought they are using real wine, you know Baptists don’t drink (at least not in public!). But I defiled myself and ate the bread dipped in the wine. Stephanie looked pleased and when we left she asked me what I thought of the service, I told her it was different, but nice just the same.

To repay me for visiting her church she soon came to mine. Well you know a Baptist church, everyone in the place ran up to meet her immediately as we entered (at her church no one spoke to me or even acknowledged my presence). One of our old family friends introduced himself and asked Steph what church she attended, well The Methodist she replied of course. I saw an that best friend of my sweet mothers do just a small shake of the head, I’m sure she was lamenting poor parenting and the fact that I had gone “wild”! The service went well and was over soon enough. Stephanie never expressed any like or dislike for my church, but I knew she was uncomfortable with our Baptist handshakes and hearty Amen’s.

Soon more would be revealed that would end this relationship, but alas those are tales for another day. Just prepare yourself because those tales will soon be told. I will bare all in my quest for love, happiness and adventure. Rest assured although Stephanie and I have parted that I never look quite the same at a Methodist church.